Sometimes I think you men don't even understand the things that you do
and that when you're in prison we be feelin locked down too
we're shackled by our emotions, devotion's keeping us caged
outwardly actin ok
when actually enraged
cuz we've been sentenced to loneliness, restricted to silence
conflicted, feelin type responsible, so inside there's violence
with indecision and blame
much revision, replaying
of the events leading up to the arrest and we're saying
things like
if only I had kept him in the house that night
maybe he wouldn't have gotten caught
and he'd be here in my life
and we be doin our best at puttin up a resistance
to the inevitable force of the time and the distance
like me for instance
I try to offer sanctuary
many letters, much money in your commissary
it's scary cause we're still being torn apart
though I still could never leave you,
that's not in my heart
every weekend go to see you, subject to gettin searched
cause I feel as though I need you, that pain couldn't be worse
visiting room, no privacy,
that shit hurts
so every single meeting is a gift as it's a curse
I feel my heart is bleeding after beating, need a nurse
I'm nursin all these feelings, though I'm spilling them in spurts
never speak em till now, keep em zipped up in my purse
with my lips pursed up
and the kiss is like church
the pews full of regrets
this is good and as bad as it gets
the irony is gettin us mad as it sets in
you say "write" I say I will, real heavy
nothing but death can keep me from it, like Nettie
still I wish that I could toss this moment up like confetti
have it come down transformed to the day when you met me
would I do it all again? I don't know--don't upset me
you the only one in the world to ever get me
so I'm gonna stick it out with you, I know no other way
and I love you every minute
but resent you everyday
I say
I'm gonna stick it out with you I know no other way
and I love you every minute
but resent it everyday.